What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 00:00
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was in good health!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Pokémon Legends Z-A Is Now Up for Preorder on Switch and Switch 2 - IGN
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I think the readers, may guess!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Study Links Gut Bacteria to MS Risk and Reveals Key Triggers - Neuroscience News
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was very sick at this time too.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Elden Ring Nightreign Patch Notes Include Promised Improvements For Solo Play - GameSpot
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She loved him until the end.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
What is the worst name in Tolkien’s legendarium (meaning and look)?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Are there any more 'nun' jokes?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My family never makes their pension either.
What is the best way to keep my vagina clean and fresh?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We were not on the streets..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Ukraine Says It Attacked Crimean Bridge as Traffic Halted - Bloomberg.com
Especially a lifetime of it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I never cut or harmed myself..
Veteran strategist unveils updated gold price forecast - TheStreet
My life is so biszare .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She found it foreign!.
Citadel's Esposito says US deficit is a 'ticking time bomb' - Yahoo Finance
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why am I attracted to older men?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Can Djokovic climb the mountain? - Roland Garros
I write beautiful poetry .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
What was the worst decision you ever did?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She wouldn,t have been !
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
What did i know ?
So, i spoilt her more .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
All the time i was locked up.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As i do to all so called friends.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I don,t even have a pension.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Who then, do I blame.?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I waited trembling.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I have no regrets .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She married twice! .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I said to her
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He knew the spot.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But it wasn’t much.
When she asked me how she looked .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But ive been too sick for many years..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We all went to grammer schools
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Comes on , in middle age.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Ive learnt so much.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im still living with it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And i lived it daily.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
(And it was in our own minds.)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But, we were locked up after school.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was 9 years of age.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
This is soul school!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Put me off passion for life!!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One cannot live in the past .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
So whats the point in blame.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was scared of men, in general
Would this be the day?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I will be 64.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
It was going to be , some day.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was seconnd youngest,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!